Better Man: Aston Brown has battled addiction and personal demons but is now back and making up for lost time | Boxing News

BN: How does it feel to be back in the ring again after nearly five years out?

AB: It feels amazing. It feels as if I’ve got my life back because I feel like I lost it for a number of years through drug addiction, time in prison, mental health problems that nearly led me out the door of boxing. I never thought I’d get it back because, at times, you’re in that deep, dark place and you think it’s over. It feels good to be back involved in the game and around good people in boxing because this has always been my life and it’s something I’ve missed.

BN: How has Aston Brown changed in the last 10 years?

AB: I’ve grown up and realised it’s not just about me. Boxing is my life but I’m deep in my recovery as well and helping others. I’ve realised that life just isn’t about Aston Brown. Caring for others, doing the right things in life and I get better. When I do the right things, I get better, and the right things happen for me. Before I wasn’t doing the right things at times. With age comes wisdom. I’ve grown up so much in the last five, six years. I feel like I’ve got a bundle of life experiences even to pass on to younger fighters.

BN: How long have been clean and sober?

AB: I have been clean and sober for 22 months. That’s off every substance, even alcohol. I don’t touch alcohol anymore.

BN: Is every day difficult?

AB: I battle every single day because I suffer with the disease of addiction. I am an addict. I’m quite vocal about that. It doesn’t mean I’m on any substances just now. I’ve got an illness. Every single day I still need to put the work in and check in with my people, my Fellowship, and read my book and set myself up for that day to move forward. I don’t know how my mind is going to feel in the morning if that makes sense. I don’t know what my mind is gonna tell me. So, I always need to keep it in check, and I do that every single day. Today, again, I’m clean and sober.

BN: Could you explain what the Fellowship is?

AB: So, basically, I’m in a Fellowship that’s Cocaine Anonymous. It’s a Fellowship of people who have suffered with addiction and you work a 12-step program which is outlined in the big blue book of Alcohol Anonymous. The whole world can find this book if you Google it. There’s a part in the book that you work off and it’s 12 steps to recovery. And if you go through those 12 steps you can become drug and alcohol free. It’s not easy. People think you read the book and that’s it. Even when you’ve done the 12 steps you still need to work on this. I’ve got guys in my recovery who are 40 years clean and sober who still turn up to meetings every single day to treat this illness. You need to respect the illness. It’s a Fellowship of men and women who carry strength and hope every single day and try to help others. It’s an amazing Fellowship. I owe the Fellowship my life. I’ll be a part of that for the rest of my life.

BN: Where do you see satisfaction coming in your career?

AB: It will probably be at the end looking back. The satisfaction that I came out of that horrible place I was in, and I managed to get back in the ring. As much as you can get your licence back, it’s you that needs to do it. I need to get myself to training and train hard and get myself to a certain standard to compete again and I did. I can always look back at that and be proud of that. I’m a fighter and I still want to win world titles. I’ve still got major ambitions in this game, but I think it’ll be looking back at the end no matter what happens. If I win world titles or I don’t I’ll be satisfied I came back and gave it my all. I’m gonna leave it all in this game. When I retire it’ll be on my terms.

BN: You’re winning one of the biggest battles that anybody could ever go through. Managing your mental health, surviving addiction.

AB: One hundred per cent. They are wins because there’s people, I’m in recovery with, or was in recovery with, who I seen coming in and out and they don’t come back because they’re not here anymore. It’s still hard. Harder than boxing. People say boxing’s hard; I say this mental battle’s a lot harder because it’s internal. It’s definitely a win but again, the ambition of the game, the world championships, seeing my peers, people like Josh Taylor. I just thrive to be as good as that because I know I’ve got the ability – it’s just getting on the stage to show it.

BN: Were there ever any concerns you wouldn’t fight again?

AB: It was quite a long time to get my licence back, understandably. You get letters back saying you’ve got another thing to show so there was definitely doubt at times. There was doubt that this might not happen, and I just need to accept this. It’s hard to accept things in life being a fighter. So, there was definitely times I doubted I’d ever get back in the ring, but I never ever lost hope. I always learn my craft every single day and then it happened. I’m so grateful just to get given the opportunity again. To end my career on my terms. The day I retire from boxing is the day I’ll go, that’s me I’m done. And that’s what every fighter wants, not for it to be taken away from them.

BN: It’s been well documented what happened when you were younger (Brown was imprisoned in 2019 after assaulting a post office worker) but before all that could you sense something bad was going to happen?

AB: Even before the hand injury and the incident I was battling demons that nobody knew about. That’s the mental health thing. It’s not until now and I look back that I realise I was battling demons because I know about mental health. Back then I didn’t know about those things. I was the boxer; I don’t get mental health problems. I was so strong, nobody could break me, all that stuff. Everything was fine. I never ever seen anything like that happening. When all these things did happen, it was a massive shock to me. I done most of the things. When I look back it’s like wow, I never seen them coming.

BN: Was the incident the wake-up call?

AB: I always say to people with addiction or mental health problems that we always have moments of sanity. We always do. When I was actively using, I used to have moments of sanity and go what am I doing, I need to get this together. But for some reason, that ego, that pride – I don’t know – overcame that and I would use. There was feelings and problems I didn’t want to let out. It always seemed to overpower it. I didn’t know why then but I know why now.

BN: Tell us what prison was like.

AB: I knew it was going to happen and I wanted it to happen so I could get it over with and restart my life. I had a court date, and I knew I was going to get sentenced. I wanted it to happen quicker so I could do my time, get out and restart my life. I learned a lot of things in there about myself because you’re by yourself for a long time. Prison’s not one of those places you can go, right I’ve had enough now, can I go home? It’s that acceptance thing. I remember the first day going in I was like I need to get out of here quicker, I want my tag papers. It wasn’t until you accept that you’re here for the long run. It wasn’t easy because you miss people. I was there when a big part of the [Covid] lockdown happened so you weren’t getting visits. Phone calls were limited. That was a massive part of it for me and everyone else in there. But I learned a lot about myself. I realised what I wanted in life, and it was to be a professional boxer and be a better person rather than do this mad life I was living.

BN: Did you serve your full sentence?

AB: Aye. I got 21 months. I was in for violence so I couldn’t get tag papers. I always chasing that. I was a stand-up prisoner. I wasn’t doing anything out of line. I was always hitting the gym. I was respectful. But the governor told me that tag papers or the tag wasn’t an option for me because of the crimes I had committed. So, I had to accept that as well and do the full sentence.

BN: Describe what it felt like on the day you were released.

AB: Wow. That day was like… your anxieties are through the roof. Mixed emotions. You want to cry but you want to stay strong because you’re going out to see your loved ones. It was an amazing day as weird as it sounds getting released from prison. That day I went straight home. Everybody got a shock by the size of me. I was almost 16 stone. I’d been hitting the gym, hitting the weights. Went home and the full family had a wee sit down in my house just chatting. Then me and my partner went through to Edinburgh for the night because she had a course to do the next day. She went on her course, and I went out to buy headphones. I’d been locked up for a certain amount of time and I don’t know anything about [Covid] restrictions. The streets are dead in Edinburgh. I went into a phone shop to buy headphones and there were screens up. I went to hand over money and the women said we don’t accept money. This is all new to me. I had known nowhere in the world not to accept money. She was standing back from me. It was a strange experience, but I adjusted to it and realised what’s happening. That coming out day was just unbelievable. Mixed emotions but I day I’ll never forget. I got released and I was in a much better place than I was when I went in.