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The new job turned out to be nothing like she had led me to expect. She was immediately promoted, and I never heard from her again. I flailed, and when another manager was finally named, the first thing he told me was that I was under review. I took a package and left the company after 10 esteem-breaking months.
I was out of work once before, years ago. While it took eight months to find a job then, I remember having lots of interviews. This time, I feel I’m out in the desert. My résumés are rarely viewed on LinkedIn, so I imagine my thoughtful, time-intensive cover letters aren’t either. I’m looking in adjacent fields, but getting no traction there.
I’m hesitant to post on LinkedIn that I’m searching because so many other job seekers were laid off in economic decisions. That’s not my story: I was terrible at the job and left before they could fire me.
After six months of unemployment, despite volunteering and working out, my mental health is suffering. Any thoughts on how to get through this difficult time? (Please feel free to edit this cry for help for length.) — Desert Wanderer
Karla: You summed up my answer in your last parenthetical: Cry out for help.
You seem reluctant to ask for help or clarification in response to vague feedback and bad guidance. I don’t know whether that’s because you’re used to succeeding on your own, or a bit passive, or just afraid to admit you don’t have all the answers.
And now it sounds as though there’s an added element of shame holding you back. Our bootstrap-happy society weighs everyone’s needs against their presumed merit, and we tend to internalize that judgment against ourselves when we’re in need. I know I have: How dare you ask for help, the judgmental voice says, for a problem that is all your own doing.
It doesn’t matter how you came to be unemployed; you don’t have to “deserve” help to ask for it.
To use your metaphor, if you were literally lost in the desert, you shouldn’t waste time dwelling on how you got there. Whether you were kidnapped by bandits or lost your way hiking or got drunk at a casino and went off-roading in a stolen Ferrari, you would still be entitled to build a fire, flash a mirror or otherwise signal for help. Yes, you should learn from past mistakes and resolve to do better — but the rehab and regrets can wait until after the rescue and recovery.
So start sending up flares:
- Announce on LinkedIn that you’re actively looking for a new position doing XYZ. Add it to your bio.
- If you haven’t already, change your LinkedIn settings to make yourself visible to recruiters (and be choosy about what pitches you respond to — the desert has lots of coyotes and mirages out there).
- Tell people you’re looking — friends, family, clergy, friendly acquaintances, former colleagues, the manager who thought enough of you to recruit you for your last job. For the most part, people like to be helpful if they can — but they can’t offer help if they don’t know you need it.
- Consider hiring a career counselor or career coach to help you tweak your job-hunting approach and focus. Since you were last searching for a job, the market winds have shifted from favoring employers to employees and back again, and artificial intelligence is taking over candidate-scanning functions. You’ll save yourself time and frustration by consulting someone who’s on top of these changes. Also, check out The Washington Post’s Tech at Work site for DIY tips on job-search technology.
Some people may scrutinize your past and make judgments about how you ended up in your current circumstances. But that’s less about what you deserve and more about them wanting to ease their consciences for not helping you.
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