Ask Amy: New girlfriend wants to go through his phone

Dear Amy: I’ve been with “Angie” for about six months.

We are both in our late-20’s and are compatible in many ways. I could see planning a long future with her.

There is one issue I’m concerned about, however.

She asks to “go through” my phone on a regular basis. She says that her previous boyfriend cheated on her (they were engaged), and that going through my phone helps to ease her anxiety about being cheated on.

She says that this is a great way to establish trust.

I let her do this because I have nothing to hide, but this doesn’t feel right. I have no desire to go through her phone.

I’m wondering if this is something I should be concerned about in terms of planning a future together.

— Concerned Boyfriend

Dear Concerned: You should not submit to any behavior that “doesn’t feel right,” and this need of “Angie’s” to dive regularly into your personal data is a major red flag.

All of us carry our previous experiences along with us — because we learn as we go — but she is reacting to her relationship trauma by acting out toward you. (If Angie needs to go through someone’s phone, perhaps she should track down her ex.)

The only reason to go through a partner’s phone is if there is a history of infidelity or a lack of trust in that relationship — and the decision to turn over a phone should be made by mutual agreement.