Disney is about to ruin “Bambi” too

Did you hear the latest from Disney? They’re remaking their 1942 animated classic Bambi as a new “live-action” film. And I think I know exactly what you’re thinking—but just sit tight, we’ll get there.

Lindsey Anderson Beer, one of the writers tasked with penning the screenplay for the remake, recently told Collider, “Not to spoil the plot, but there’s a treatment of the mom dying that I think some parents these days are more sensitive about than they were in the past. And I think that’s one of the reasons that they haven’t shown it to their children.

“But I do think there is a way to update Bambi, and our take on it… did give a little bit more of a scope to it. And I just think that to be able to bring it to life for kids these days in a way that maybe they relate to a little bit more would be of service to the original.”

Now, I’d like to preface this by saying I’m not a purist: I’ll concede that some of Disney’s live-action remakes of their animated classics have been all right. I’m mostly thinking of Cinderella (2015) and The Little Mermaid (2023). I’ll even throw in Beauty and the Beast (2017), although I’m willing to be judged on that one. But the others? Hard pass.

Of the most recent era of Disney live-action remakes—because nobody can come for the 1996 remake of 101 Dalmatians starring Glenn Close, I will fight you—it all started with the 2010 remake of Alice in Wonderland, directed by Tim Burton. It had that fever-dream quality of the animated classic, but we’re old now and can’t handle fever dreams like we could when we were kids, you know?

Then there was The Jungle Book in 2016 (snooze) and then Dumbo in 2019 (also snooze and Tim Burton needs to stop directing these movies). Aladdin in 2019 somehow managed to lose the magic of the original—which, when you have that music, how can you mess it up?—while also being a two-hour Will Smith cringe-fest.

Mulan, while beautifully shot, lost every bit of charisma from the original cartoon and committed the cardinal sin of omitting its iconic songs. And as for Robert Zemeckis’ Pinocchio in 2022, the less said about it, the better. For a worthwhile update, go watch Guillermo del Toro’s far superior take for Netflix, also released last year.

You’re probably thinking, why did you leave out 2019’s The Lion King? Because it’s the perfect case study for why Disney shouldn’t do a “live-action” remake of Bambi. First off, these movies aren’t live-action. If you’re creating CGI animals that look photo-realistic (minus the talking) then you’re not making a live-action film—just stop it.

The Jungle Book gets a pass because an actual live-action human was the main character amidst all the talking CGI animals. Otherwise, no.

Additionally, there’s a reason why we use animated stories about adorable animals to tell challenging coming-of-age stories for children: because they’re a perfect vehicle for conveying emotion and a way for young audiences to explore the harsh realities of life (and death) in a safe, accessible way. You can’t see a sad little baby lion and not feel for him when his father dies. The same goes for a sad little baby deer when his mom dies.

So, considering this, why would you muck up a perfect story that a child can easily understand about the inevitability of death and the trials of growing up by somehow trying to make that universal theme more relatable? Are we so scared of any real emotion that we have to sanitize arguably the entire point of the film?

But the big question is what will they do with Bambi to modernize the film’s values?

First things first, I’m not opposed to blind casting or adding nuance to a character in an effort to update the story to reflect the world we live in. The people who insisted that a white actress should play Ariel in The Little Mermaid clearly based their opinions largely on ignorance (and some oddly strong opinions about mythical sea creatures) and have now turned their attention to Latina actress Rachel Zegler playing Snow White.

Additionally, making a big deal out of Gaston and his sidekick LeFou being kind of gay (blink, and you’ll miss it) in Beauty and the Beast is absurd. Come on, their names are Gaston and LeFou.

But with Bambi, the only thing I can think of that they’ll do to modernize it is to make it a story about the environment and how the actions of humans are directly impacting the lives of the creatures who live in the forest. (A theme that the non-Disney animated film FernGully: The Last Rainforest tackled in 1992.)

But even that take is kind of absurd. Let me just say I’m a huge animal person and really don’t support hunting in most instances except one: deer. You see, I’m from Missouri originally, and there are deer everywhere, and they’re really annoying. But beyond just being annoying, they procreate like mad. Like if you thought Bambi was bummed about losing his mom, he’s got literally thousands of prospective adopted moms out there. The kid is gonna be fine, trust.

I should also note that I’m a big Disney person. I have an annual pass to Disneyland and see most of their films the weekend they come out. So, will I see the live-action Bambi? Of course. But that still doesn’t mean I think they should make it.

That said, if they somehow figured out a way for Glenn Close to play every part in the live-action Bambi, then I’d probably be more game to support it.

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H. Alan Scott is a writer/comedian based in Los Angeles. He’s appeared on The Jimmy Kimmel Show, Ellen, CNN, Fusion and MTV.